Common advice for living abroad, rated by a psychologist who has lived it

When I first moved abroad, I got a lot of advice. Some of it helped, some of it made me feel like I was doing it wrong (and some of it I gave to myself, at 2am, in my head).

Over the years, living in different countries and now working with people going through the same thing, I've noticed how much of this advice sounds right and still might not fit the abroad you're actually living. Living abroad asks a lot of you, often in ways nobody else sees: a whole day in another language, missing home while loving where you are, building a life from almost nothing.

So here's my honest take on the advice we hear most, from both sides of the chair. The scores are mine, and very unscientific (you'll see).

"Avoid the international crowd" · 3/10

It sounds like the right thing to do, I know. Integrate, speak the language, make local friends. And those friendships can be wonderful.

Still, people who understand the in-between can be deeply grounding, especially on the harder days. They know what an afternoon of paperwork in another language does to you, or why a voice note from home can undo you a little.

Local friends and international friends can meet different needs. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

"Stop comparing it to home" · 4/10

Comparing is one of the ways our brains make sense of something new, so the comparing itself might not be the problem (and good luck stopping it anyway).

What could be worth noticing is when the comparison turns into a case against where you are… or against yourself (why can't I just love it here like everyone else seems to?).

"Keep busy so you don't get homesick" · 4/10

A bit of distraction can help you ride out a heavy moment, and that's okay.

Homesickness might also be telling you something about what matters to you, though, so it could be worth listening to before you drown it out with plans.

"Say yes to everything in your first months" · 5/10

This one can be lovely for building a life from scratch. New people, new places, invitations you'd never have accepted back home.

Sometimes, though, saying yes to everything becomes a way of escaping the loneliness instead of meeting it. You might end up with a full calendar and still not feel at home (ask me how I know).

"Give it some time before you decide" · 7/10

Adjusting tends to come in waves, and the first months often hold some of the heaviest days, so there's real wisdom here.

Just be careful the timeline doesn't become a test you feel you're failing (it's been six months, I should be fine by now…).

"Build small routines that feel like yours" · 10/10

I cannot say this one enough! The same café, the Sunday call with family or friends, your walk route…

Small, repeated things can give your days something familiar to hold onto, and after a while they start to feel like yours (honestly, someone remembering your coffee order can do wonders).

Home might be less about a place and more about being with yourself, wherever you are.

"Let yourself grieve what you left behind" · 10,000/10

(Yes, I know that's not how scoring works.)

Even when moving was your choice, even when you're happy here, you can still miss people, places and versions of yourself. Both can be true at the same time (and usually are).

Giving yourself permission to miss home might be part of what helps you settle in.

"Be patient with yourself" · ∞/10

You changed more than your country. You changed your language, your routines, your support system, sometimes even how people see you.

Rebuilding all of that asks a lot from you, every single day.

So if your inner voice sounds more like a critic than a friend right now, it might be worth asking what it would sound like on your side.

None of this is a rulebook

Living abroad rarely follows one, and the advice that fits one person's move might not fit yours. If you keep anything from this, maybe let it be the last three.

And be kind to yourself.

Daniela x